Acorn

Issue date: 11/14/08 Section: Opinions

Media Credit: Sheryl McCabe

Every creep worth his salt knows that online networking profiles are great for scoping out hotties. However, many people fail to realize the Internet's role in evaluating potential dolts. Allow me to explain. Have you ever been cut in line and thought immediately that the perpetrator seemed to be the sort to use Comic Sans MS font and type in Caps Lock? This people-evaluating technique also works in the reverse. Sometimes people can seem to be worthwhile human beings the first few times you are around them, but their e-profiles could be full of idiocy and indicative of future dumbness. If you have one of the following quotes in your profile, you might just be a dumpster-licking tool bag.

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." This quote by Les Brown is the epitome of cliché. If you're going to use a quote about ambition, stars, and the moon, you may also be interested in some about rainbows, cupcakes, fairies, true love and unicorns.

"Live.laugh.love." Often accompanied by a less-than/three heart, this quote is both obvious and irritating. Its apparent purpose is to remind the reader of the good things that should be done in life. I'll assume that "live" is short for "live life to the fullest" and not just a suggestion to keep breathing. Even so, I fail to see the point of including these words on an online profile. Do you think you might forget how to have an awesome life? Perhaps you should also include things not to do, such as, "Don't stab.beat.torture," just to even things out. Don't forget the bastardized heart symbol!

I admit that "Sex and the City" is one of my guilty pleasures, but it's also the source of myriad supposedly romantic cliché lines. My least favorite can be found on many Facebooks and AIM profiles: "Maybe some women are not meant to be tamed. Maybe they are meant to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them." I thought we had moved on from thinking that women need to be tamed. Furthermore, what kind of "wild" woman puts such a sappy love quote on her Internet profile?

Last but not least, there is the ever-present "everything happens for a reason." Though it could be seen as support for hard determinism, the fact that it is often surrounded by other quotes mentioned in this article suggests to me that most of its fans don't interpret this quote in quite such an intellectual way. From the explanations I've gotten, most people feel that the "reason" is a somewhat favorable after-effect that justifies the "everything" that happens.

Continued...

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