Acorn

Dear Marla,

Marla, my roommate and I have used to be really close at the beginning of the year. At the end of last semester she started dating this guy, and stopped hanging out with me and our group. Now her friends are in the room all the time being loud, and I can?t get my work done or go to sleep when I want to. I don?t know how to talk to her about it. What should I do?

Anonymous

Dear Reader,

I always say that the simplest task should be addressed first. The issue of her having noisy friends in the room at all hours is definitely a simple problem to rectify. If you and your roommate are on good speaking terms, then a direct statement of how you feel might be in order. Try to find a quiet time to talk, making sure that neither of you have a class within 5 minutes because hastily-made decisions rarely succeed.

Tell her exactly how you feel. Do not leave portions out because you feel that they are unnecessary to the cause. Talking things out honestly is the best policy. Devise a plan to share the time in your room equally.

Talk about the hours during which you really need to study in peace. Stress that you needing a bit of quiet time does not mean that no fun can ever be had, it simply means that there is a time for work and a time for play. If you are mature about the situation, and speak with her candidly, she should be receptive and agree to certain times that her friends are not allowed to parade around the room raucously.

Adjusting to college life is very tough. Part of living on campus is being a part of the social scene. We all have the desire to make close friends that will remain for a lifetime, but that is not always the case. Sometimes friends grow apart because people change ? sometimes while we change we lose sight of good things that we had.

Entering a new school, individuals need one another for support. Roommates are perfect candidates for that support because they spend the most time with you. Since you had so many classes with her, you shared similar experiences in dealing with professors, workloads, and late hours. You might have even shared some personal matters with her over a cup of coffee at Java City. You might feel like you have been put on the back burner in her life, but people rarely forget good times they had. I?m sure she undoubtedly remembers what a good friend you were and the mutual assistance you afforded each other in that time of change.

You might try bringing up a story about a fun time that you and she shared during the first semester, like pulling an all-nighter before a huge exam or laughing about how the chicken in the Commons was burnt beyond consumption one day. Little reminders that you are still in the picture, and her room, for that matter, will greatly improve your relationship. Guys come and go, and cliques form and reshape, but you never forget who your true friends are.

Please send all comments, questions, etc. to Marla Rosenfeld CM 221

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